Can you get your ex girlfriend back?
To get her back, you need to change how she perceives you as a man and how much she feels for you sexually. This cannot be done with words alone. You need to alter your behavior, actions AND words.
Almost every guy has a girlfriend they wish they could get back.
I personally don’t have that problem anymore because most of my ex GFs are still trying to get me back. Why? My “perfect girlfriend” cheated on me and then broke up with me a long time ago and the whole experienced killed my confidence and self-esteem. Eventually, I got the point where I was sick and tired of being single and feeling lonely and I decided to work out the secrets to success with women.
Since discovering the attraction, dating & relationship secrets that I’ve been teaching here at The Modern Man for the last 5 years, NO woman has ever wanted to break up with me (not even close). However, despite my new found success with women, I do have a HUGE AMOUNT of sympathy and empathy for guys who want to get an ex girlfriend back. So, I’m willing to help out!
The Way it Usually Works
A few months after a break up, most people eventually realize that their relationship had run its course and breaking up was a good idea after all. The two individuals then move on to a new chapter in their lives by dating other people.
Sometimes however, a man (for example) is left grieving and can’t think of anything else but how to get his ex girlfriend back. He finds it difficult to eat, sleep and concentrate on anything for too long before he’s back to thinking about his ex. Nothing that anyone says about “moving on” and “plenty of fish in the sea” makes any sense to him. He wants his ex-girlfriend back…NOW! He feels that what he had with her was special and he couldn’t find the same type of love and experience with another woman.
Do You Want Her Back or Need Her Back?
The first thing you need to determine is whether you want her back or if you feel that you need her back. This is a very important distinction that changes the whole argument.
If you want her back because what you had was a really good thing that somehow got messed up, you definitely have a reason to try and get her back and it is possible that you will get her back. On the other hand, if you feel as if you need her back because you’re too scared or lazy to go out there and find a new girlfriend, then you probably need to stop and be honest with yourself. If I am to be honest with you as I always am, I would say this:
You may not be able to see it now, but you’ll likely have several more important relationships throughout your life. This woman may be special to you right now, but if you had 3 or 4 other attractive women who were interested in you right now, you probably wouldn’t be so worried about losing her. Likewise, if you knew that you could go out and approach a woman in a bar and get a positive response every time, you probably wouldn’t be so worried about trying to meet new women.
I know, I know! You don’t want to hear that though, do you? Let’s get back to your relationship with your ex…
Why Did You Break Up?
Most breakups don’t happen out of the blue. There are often many warning signs that you either ignored or failed to notice because you weren’t as emotionally and intellectually involved in the relationship as you should have been. In other words, you wooed her, you won her and you then dropped the ball and took her for granted. Usually though, most of the guys who want to get their ex-girlfriend back have either become too needy, too protective or too much of a wuss around her. If that is you, I recommend you read The Flow and learn how to avoid making the same mistakes in future, as well as the correct way to maintain your confidence and a woman’s attraction in a relationship.
Did Either of You Cheat?
Cheating causes a huge loss of trust that will be very difficult, but not always impossible to get past. If there was infidelity, who was the one who was unfaithful?
If you were the one who cheated, then you not only have to be sincerely sorry for it, but you need to truly know in your heart that you won’t do it to her again and then slowly rebuild her trust in you. That is, if she’s willing to take you back! On the other hand, if she was the person who slept with someone else, you must determine if you’re willing to live with her indiscretion and not hold it against her in the future. Be warned though: Most studies show that people who cheat in relationships usually end up doing it again, so I would personally you advise to break up with her and move on. That will be less painful that getting back together, falling deeper in love only to have her go and cheat again.
If you decide to forgive her, but continue to bring up the past, especially when you’re fighting or you want to ‘hurt’ her, your relationship will eventually end anyway. So, you might as well just move on and find a new girlfriend. When you begin a new relationship with the next woman, you have to make sure that the resentment and distrust you felt for your ex isn’t carried into your new relationship. You can’t punish your new girlfriend for another woman’s mistake by being overly suspicious, guarded and not trusting her. That will only set you up for yet another breakup.
Only you can determine if your current relationship (and what’s left of it) is worth saving despite the fact that your girlfriend has surrendered to another man and openly let him penetrate her body and mind. If she says she didn’t enjoy it and only had sex with him to get over you or get revenge, she is most likely lying. The last time I checked (…last night!), sex IS VERY enjoyable last time, so she “probably” enjoyed it.
Deciding whether you will forgive and forget is a very personal choice and you should think long and hard about what are willing to accept. Only you know how much you’re willing risk to be with her. However, if you’re only getting back with her because you’re scared to face the world alone, prepare for further heartbreak. She will sense your weakness, it will turn her off at a deep level and she will then feel the need to break up with you once and for all.
“We Have to Talk”
If you’ve missed or ignored all of the warning signs that your girlfriend has been unhappy and now wants to break up with you, how you handle the inevitable “We have to talk” discussion can greatly affect whether or not you can win your girlfriend back immediately or if it will take more work on your part.
It is always more difficult to fix things if she will only say something like, “I’m sorry, but I need more space,” “It’s not you, it’s me,” or gives you another vague reason for the breakup. If that’s all she gives you to work with, you’ll have to do some really important soul-searching to determine what part you may have played in the breakup. You need to decide if her wanting to end your relationship was justified, what you’re willing to do to correct any mistakes and if you really should be expected to change at all. After all, maybe it is her that is the problem.
Usually though, most women will never tell you the real reason why they want to break up with you. If a woman says, “I think we’ve changed as people” it could actually mean that she’s no longer attracted to you or she simply wants to have fun again by sleeping with new men. It is very difficult to get that type of truth out of someone because they don’t want to hurt your feelings or look selfish for going after what they want.
If she is simply upset that you don’t spend enough time together, you watch too much sports on TV or other simple things that you can fix, you have a good chance of getting her back. However, if it is more personal things like she has lost attraction for you because you’ve become too needy, too protective or you’re not really going after anything in life and just want to spend all your time with her, the truth is that you’ve probably lost her and won’t get her back.
All Talk, No Action
Actions always speak louder than words. Telling her you’re going to change isn’t going to make her believe you more than if you actually show her how you’ve changed (e.g. by being more confident, not being such a wuss, having a purpose in life other than just her, etc.). If you don’t know what to change, read The Flow and learn what attracts women and what turns them off.
The Do’s and Don’ts If You Have Already Broken Up
* Don’t plead, beg, whine or otherwise put yourself into a position where you’re giving up your power in the relationship. It won’t have the effect you desire, but will instead cause her to lose respect for you, lose attraction for you and feel like she wants to be further away from you.
Women are most attracted to men who are mentally and emotionally strong (e.g. confident, not needy, masculine, not insecure, etc). Giving up your power and acting desperate is not what a woman is looking for.
* Don’t hound her with calls, letters and text messages. You will only come off as pathetic.
* Don’t call her friends or family and ask for their help because you miss her so much and you want her back. You’ll embarrass and anger her and what might have been a potentially ‘friendly’ breakup with a possibility of reconciliation is going to escalate to her potentially telling you to stay out of her life forever.
* Do demonstrate that you’re still happy with or without her. Talk confidently, do fun things, catch up with friends, go out to party and enjoy yourself.
* Do display the cheeky humor, charm, and confidence that originally won her over whenever your paths cross.
* Do post photos on Facebook of you hanging out with other women and having a good time with friends. This works better than trying to convince her to take you back. Let her see that you’re a valuable guy and she will be more likely to rethink her decision.
* Do something to maintain your self-esteem (possibly try the 30 Day Challenge if you’re up for it) and start casually dating some new women without shoving it in her face.
Will You Get Her Back?
If your relationship wasn’t meant to be anything more than it was, then you will need to come to terms with the fact that you have been through a difficult learning experience and then take the lessons learned from this relationship into the next to make it more successful.
If you are meant to get back together and if she really does love you and want you back, she will realize that in good time. Sometimes, a woman will run back to you as soon as she sees that she’s lost something valuable. Sometimes, she will need to “get out there” and date for a while before she realizes that she is meant to be with you. However, if your girlfriend broke up with you because you became weak, needy or too protective, you really don’t have much chance of getting her back in the short term. 5-10 years down the track maybe, but by that point you will have moved on and found love again.
Have a Question?
I’m interested to know if you need help with this. Ask me your questions and I’ll give you some advice and strategy to get your ex girlfriend back.